How to Write an Obituary: Expert Guide to Honoring a Life
Writing an obituary is one of the most meaningful yet challenging tasks you might face. It’s not just about listing facts—it’s about capturing the essence of someone’s life, their impact on others, and the legacy they leave behind. Whether you’re handling this responsibility for a family member or a public figure, crafting a thoughtful obituary requires care, clarity, and a touch of heart.
An obituary serves as a public record and a lasting tribute. It announces someone’s passing, shares their accomplishments, and invites the community to celebrate their life. The good news? You don’t need to be a professional writer to create something meaningful. With the right structure and guidance, anyone can write an obituary that truly honors the person being remembered.
This guide walks you through the entire process, from gathering essential information to polishing the final draft. You’ll learn what to include, how to organize your thoughts, and practical tips for making the obituary feel authentic and respectful.
Understanding the Purpose and Scope
Before you start writing, it helps to understand what an obituary actually is and what it accomplishes. An obituary is a biographical notice of someone’s death, typically published in newspapers, online platforms, or funeral home websites. It serves multiple purposes: it officially announces the death, provides basic biographical details, shares information about survivors, and often includes funeral arrangements.
The scope of an obituary can vary significantly. A brief death notice might be just a few sentences, while a full obituary can run several hundred words. Length often depends on the publication, the person’s prominence in the community, and how much detail the family wants to share. Understanding these variations helps you determine what style and length will work best for your situation.
One important consideration is audience. Your obituary will be read by family members, friends, colleagues, and strangers. This means you’ll want to strike a balance between personal touches and professional presentation. Think of it as a bridge between private grief and public acknowledgment.
Gathering Essential Information
Start by collecting all the factual information you’ll need. Create a checklist to ensure you don’t miss anything important:
- Full legal name (and any nicknames or maiden names)
- Date of birth and death
- Age at time of death
- Birthplace
- Parents’ names (living or deceased)
- Spouse or partner information
- Children and grandchildren
- Education history
- Career and professional accomplishments
- Military service (if applicable)
- Hobbies and interests
- Community involvement and volunteer work
- Religious affiliations
- Cause of death (if the family wishes to share)
- Funeral or memorial service details
- Where flowers or donations should be sent
Don’t worry if you don’t have every detail. You can work with what you have and note any gaps. Sometimes talking to other family members or close friends helps fill in missing information or provides personal anecdotes that bring the obituary to life.
When gathering information about career achievements, if the deceased was involved in business or professional work, you might want to reference how to properly document such details. Similarly, if there are legal considerations around the announcement, understanding proper notification methods—like how to send certified mail for formal announcements to organizations or institutions—can be helpful for managing the practical side of things.
Structuring Your Obituary
A well-structured obituary follows a logical flow that guides readers through the person’s life story. Here’s a proven format:
Opening Line (The Lead)
Start with the most important information: the person’s name, age, and the fact that they’ve died. Include the date and location of death if you wish. This opening should be straightforward and clear:
“John Michael Thompson, 87, of Portland, Oregon, died peacefully on March 15, 2024, surrounded by family.”
Early Life and Background
Share where the person was born, their parents’ names, and any significant childhood details. This section establishes their roots and helps readers understand their origins:
“Born on June 3, 1936, in Springfield, Illinois, John was the son of Robert and Margaret Thompson. He grew up on his family’s farm and developed a lifelong love of gardening.”
Education and Career
Detail their educational background and professional accomplishments. Be specific about roles, achievements, and the impact they made in their field. This is where you celebrate their contributions to society.
Personal Life and Family
Introduce their spouse, children, and grandchildren. Include marriage dates and names of survivors. This section emphasizes the relationships that defined their life.
Interests, Hobbies, and Passions
What made this person tick? Did they love woodworking, travel, cooking, or volunteering? These details humanize the obituary and help readers feel they knew the person. Perhaps they were passionate about spiritual matters and regularly studied texts—much like how some people approach how to read the Bible—with dedication and thoughtfulness.
Community Involvement
Highlight volunteer work, memberships in organizations, and contributions to the community. This shows the person’s character and values.
Service Information
Include details about memorial services, funeral arrangements, and any special requests. Let readers know where and when services will be held, and provide information about flowers, donations, or other tributes.
Closing Statement
End with a meaningful quote, a reflection on the person’s legacy, or a simple statement of love and remembrance. This leaves readers with a lasting impression.
Writing with Heart and Authenticity
Facts alone don’t make a memorable obituary. The magic happens when you infuse it with genuine emotion and authentic details about who the person really was. Here’s how to write with heart:
Use Specific, Vivid Details
Instead of saying someone “enjoyed cooking,” say they “made legendary lasagna that won over skeptics at every potluck” or “spent Sunday mornings perfecting croissant recipes while humming old jazz standards.” Specific details create a picture readers can visualize and remember.
Include Meaningful Quotes
Did the deceased have a favorite saying or philosophy? Including their words in the obituary creates an intimate connection. “As she always said, ‘Life is what you make it, so make it sweet,'” feels far more personal than generic praise.
Show, Don’t Just Tell
Rather than stating “He was generous,” demonstrate it: “He anonymously paid off layaway accounts at the local store every Christmas for thirty years.” Actions speak louder than adjectives.
Balance Respect with Personality
It’s absolutely appropriate to include humor if it reflects the person’s character. If they were known for witty jokes or lighthearted pranks, a tasteful mention can honor their spirit. Just ensure the tone remains respectful overall.
Consider the Audience
While you want to be authentic, remember that obituaries reach diverse audiences. Some readers may not know the deceased at all. Explain inside jokes or references that might confuse outsiders, and keep language accessible.
When writing about someone’s life accomplishments or professional journey, think about how they communicated themselves. If they were in a field that required clear communication—like public speaking or business—you might draw parallels to how anyone might prepare to answer tell me about yourself questions with clarity and authenticity. They likely brought that same thoughtfulness to how they presented themselves to the world.
Formatting and Final Touches
Once you’ve written your obituary, it’s time to polish it. Here are essential formatting and editing steps:
Read It Aloud
Reading your draft aloud helps you catch awkward phrasing, repetitive words, and sentences that don’t flow smoothly. You’ll hear rhythm and pacing issues that silent reading misses.
Check for Accuracy
Verify all dates, names, and facts. Double-check spelling of family members’ names and the location of services. Errors in an obituary can cause lasting embarrassment and hurt feelings.
Watch Your Word Count
Most newspapers have space limitations. Standard obituaries run 200-500 words, though online platforms may allow more flexibility. If you’re submitting to a publication, ask about their guidelines.
Proofread Multiple Times
Ask another family member to review the obituary for errors and tone. Fresh eyes catch mistakes you might miss. This also ensures the family’s vision is accurately represented.
Consider the Format
If publishing online, use short paragraphs for readability. Include line breaks between sections. If submitting to a newspaper, follow their submission guidelines regarding formatting.
Add a Photo
Most publications allow a photo. Choose one that captures the person’s essence—a favorite from their later years, or one showing them doing something they loved. A recent, clear photo works best.
If there are legal or administrative aspects you’re managing alongside the obituary, remember that proper documentation matters. For instance, if the deceased had financial accounts or business interests, understanding procedures like how to void a check might be relevant to estate management—though that’s separate from the obituary itself.
Publishing and Distribution
Now that your obituary is ready, where should you publish it? Here are your main options:
Newspaper Obituaries
Contact the obituary section of your local newspaper. They have specific submission processes and may charge a fee for publication. Legacy.com partners with many newspapers and makes submission easier. Ask about their word count limits and photo requirements.
Funeral Home Websites
If you’re working with a funeral home, they typically handle obituary placement and may publish it on their website and in affiliated publications at no charge. Discuss your preferences with the funeral director.
Online Obituary Sites
Websites like Obit Central and Find a Grave allow free obituary posting. These platforms create a permanent online memorial and are often searchable.
Social Media and Personal Websites
Many families share obituaries on Facebook or personal websites to reach friends and extended family. This allows you to include more personal touches and photos than traditional newspapers might permit.
Religious Organizations
If the deceased was active in a church or synagogue, ask if they’ll publish the obituary in their newsletter or on their website. Many religious communities have their own communication channels.
Professional Organizations
If the deceased was a member of professional associations, alumni groups, or clubs, these organizations often publish obituaries of notable members. This extends recognition of their contributions.
When you’re managing all these different channels and responsibilities, clear communication becomes essential—much like how one might prepare to explain their role or accomplishments. If the deceased was involved in professional or academic circles, they likely understood the importance of clear presentation, similar to how to say thank you in Japanese when expressing gratitude across different contexts—it’s about meeting people where they are.
After publishing, keep copies of the obituary for the family’s records. You may need them for legal or insurance purposes, and they’ll become treasured keepsakes for future generations.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should an obituary be?
Most newspaper obituaries run 200-500 words, though this varies by publication. Online obituaries can be longer. Check with your specific publication for their guidelines. It’s better to be concise and impactful than to ramble.
Should I include the cause of death?
This is entirely up to the family. Some prefer to share this information, while others keep it private. There’s no right or wrong choice. If you do include it, be straightforward and factual without being graphic or overly detailed.
Can I include humor in an obituary?
Absolutely, if it’s appropriate to the person’s character. Tasteful humor that reflects their personality can make the obituary memorable and celebratory rather than somber. Just ensure it doesn’t overshadow the respectful tone.
What if I don’t know all the biographical details?
Do your best with what you have. Contact family members, friends, or colleagues for missing information. If some details remain unknown, it’s acceptable to leave them out rather than guess.
How much does it cost to publish an obituary?
Newspaper obituaries typically cost $100-$500 depending on length and the publication. Funeral homes often include one free newspaper placement. Online obituary sites are usually free or very inexpensive.
Can I edit the obituary after it’s published?
Newspaper obituaries can’t be changed once printed, but online versions can usually be updated. If you discover an error in a printed obituary, contact the newspaper about publishing a correction.
Who should write the obituary?
Typically, a close family member writes it, though funeral directors can help. Some families hire a professional obituary writer. The key is that the person writing understands the deceased well enough to capture their essence.
Should the obituary be religious in tone?
This depends on the deceased’s beliefs and the family’s preferences. If they were religious, incorporating faith elements is appropriate. If they weren’t, keep the tone secular. The obituary should reflect their life and values.
How do I make the obituary stand out?
Use specific details, vivid language, and authentic stories. Include photos. Choose a strong opening line. Focus on what made this person unique rather than generic statements. Let their personality shine through.
Can I include links or additional information online?
Yes, online obituaries often allow links to memorial funds, family websites, or social media pages. This extends the tribute and gives readers ways to engage and express condolences.